The Unforgettable Gift of Love Letters

In a world that moves at breakneck speed, it's easy to lose sight of the stories that make up our very essence. Our family legacies, rich with history, values, and wisdom, are narratives that should not be allowed to fade into the oblivion of time. One compelling way to capture these invaluable narratives is through the timeless tradition of love letters. This practice not only holds the power to bridge generational gaps but also serves as a poignant testament to the lives and experiences of our loved ones.

The Emotional Impact of Handwritten Letters

There's an undeniable charm and intimacy to the written word, especially when it is handwritten. In an age where digital communication reigns supreme, a handwritten letter stands out as a relic of personal touch. These letters are tangible pieces of our history, infused with emotions and a sense of permanence that digital formats often lack. Holding a letter, knowing it was touched and signed by a relative, perhaps from a bygone era, fosters a connection that transcends time and space.

Moreover, the act of writing a letter allows for introspection and storytelling that can be deeply cathartic for the writer. It’s a personal, reflective process that often reveals the core values and life lessons that have shaped an individual's journey. For recipients, these letters become priceless keepsakes that offer insights into the personal histories and relationships that have woven the fabric of their family's story.

The Process of Crafting Family Love Letters

The creation of a family love letter is a thoughtful and deliberate process. It begins with comfortable conversations, often over the phone, to ensure the ease and comfort of the storyteller, typically an elderly family member. This approach fosters an environment where stories can flow freely without the distractions or pressures of technology.

Through a series of guided discussions, a narrative begins to take shape. The storyteller is given the freedom to delve into memories, articulate their values, and share wisdom with their future generations. This journey is not just about capturing stories but also about the storyteller revisiting and cherishing their life experiences. The process is often filled with laughter, sometimes tears, and always a profound sense of connection.

Once the stories have been gathered, they are artfully composed into a letter. This is not just any letter, but one that is beautifully presented on fine stationery, meant to be held, read, and treasured. It is a legacy in written form, one that can be passed down through the generations, preserving the essence of the family for years to come.

Overcoming Objections to Sharing Personal Histories

Despite the apparent benefits of crafting such letters, there are common objections that arise. Some fear that their life stories are too ordinary or fraught with challenges that may not be worth sharing. Others may feel uncomfortable opening up to a relative stranger or worry about the emotional toll such recollections might bring. It's essential to address these concerns with empathy and to reassure that every life story is unique and worth preserving.

The truth is, every individual's journey, no matter how seemingly ordinary, is a mosaic of moments that can provide comfort, inspiration, and wisdom to others. Even the struggles faced and overcome are a testament to resilience and can serve as powerful lessons for future generations. The goal is not to idolize a life but to document the real, lived experiences that contribute to the richness of a family's history.

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

Family love letters are not reserved for moments of parting or the aftermath of loss. They can be gifted during life's milestones or as heartfelt surprises, prompting conversations and strengthening bonds while everyone involved is still present to enjoy the exchange. This proactive approach allows for real-time appreciation, discussion, and even further storytelling.

Imagine the delight of receiving such a letter on a special birthday, an anniversary, or simply as a token of love. It opens up avenues for dialogue, laughter, and a deeper understanding of each other. These letters become not just static records of the past but living, breathing pieces of ongoing family dialogue.

The preservation of family legacies through love letters is a noble and deeply meaningful endeavor. It is a gesture that conveys love, respect, and reverence for the lives lived before us and a commitment to the generations that will follow. In crafting these letters, we are reminded of our shared humanity, the enduring power of storytelling, and the incredible legacy that each person has the opportunity to leave behind.

By embracing the art of family love letters, we ensure that the stories, values, and wisdom of our loved ones are never lost. Instead, they become cherished treasures, binding us to our past and guiding us toward our future.

Remember to take care of yourself as a caregiver - take time each week (even for an hour) for “me” time so that you can better care for your loved ones!

Have you been looking for professional advice to cut through the enormous amount of information around senior placement or the correct type of caregiving for your parents, spouse, or yourself? Book a time with me for a complimentary consultation. Please find out more by booking your introductory call or by calling me directly at 503.830.1812

Caring for My Terminally Ill Parents

How I Cared for My Terminally Ill Parents

Both my parents had cancer in the same timespan - and they both passed away within a year of each other. From diagnosis to when they passed in their home, I was their caregiver and provider of all of their needs - from emotional, to physical and medical.

At the time I was caregiver for my parents, my now adult children were under the age of 10, and I experienced being the sandwich generation at the early age of 29. From my experience, I understand how hard it is to take care of your parents, especially when you’re managing doctors, their place of residence, medical bills, and finding the right type of care when they have to leave the hospital. It’s hard to juggle family life when you have your parents to take care of, and this episode will give you a bit of an insight into the challenges I faced taking care of my terminally ill parents over a decade ago.

My mom was especially hard to take care of because she didn’t have an invested interest in taking care of herself. She had a poor diet and lifestyle, which led to her having and not surviving stage 1 breast cancer, even with an early diagnosis. If she had a healthier lifestyle, she would most likely have been able to survive her cancer.

In addition to her poor lifestyle habits, she also implicitly trusted her doctor, even when she showed signs of her cancer returning and her oncologist ignored them. She refused to get a second opinion, and that mistake cost her her life. 

While it was hard to watch her go through these health challenges, since she didn’t have dementia until the last two months of her life, she was making all of her healthcare choices - most of which were not in her favor or benefitted her health. The decision to stay with her same doctor, even though she had many signs that her cancer had returned (and the doctor wouldn’t see her for a new evaluation) had me frustrated and spent, to say the least. Listen in to Season 01 Episode 03 to find out more about how I cared for my mother.

How I Cared for My Terminally Ill Father

When we found out my dad had cancer, he was diagnosed with Stage IV adenocarcinoma. Today, I believe he had Celiac disease that was undiagnosed as this type of cancer is one of the cancers you can get when you don’t eat a gluten free diet. Because we have auto-immune in our family, it’s very probable that he was Celiac and wasn't aware of it. Had he known, he would have changed his diet and would not have had cancer.

Because your small intestine absorbs your nutrients, you can be eating many calories a day, but never absorb any nutrition. In turn, you’re eating and losing a significant amount of weight because you’re not absorbing your food. When my dad was diagnosed, they gave him six months to live. Although he lived for three years, he wasted away slowly as his body wasn’t able to sustain basic functioning and his digestive tract was riddled with disease.

In Season 01 Episode 04, I talk about the overall journey taking care of my father, what we went through, and the challenges I faced when caring for my terminally ill father, including finding a care facility with certified nursing on staff after one of the times he was released from the hospital.

When you have parents that are stubborn or won’t listen to reason, and they are cognizant and able to make decisions, you have to let go emotionally to protect yourself. This is a healthy boundary to have and is essential to know which battles to choose with your parents when you care for them as they age.

I wish I was able to connect with a senior care advisor, like myself, when I was in the midst of caregiver turmoil. I sure could have used the extra assistance and support!

Remember to take care of yourself as a caregiver - take time each week (even if its for an hour) for “me” time so that you can better care for your loved ones!

-Lynn Smargis CSA, CDP

Certified Senior Advisor

Certified Dementia Practioner